Dear Swamp Thing,
Greetings from the great white North! Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed our visit with you and the missus at your Carolina Bed & Wetness in June. My people never ventured much beneath the Mason-Dixon Line (must have something to do with all our fur and all your humidity), but I’m sure glad my teenager and I did. (He’s such a Civil War buff.)
We enjoyed the great meals you put on for us—my favorite was the crawdad sushi. I hope our midnight howling didn’t keep you up nights (though I did notice your wife was wearing those clever oyster shell ear muffs).
We’ve been pretty busy here in Montana. The mountain goats have been nicely fattened up by the summer rains and Junior decided to cook some up with cheese grits. (Can you tell he fell in love with your Low Country cuisine?)
Junior especially enjoyed the SCUBA lessons and kept asking me, “Dad, why can’t we have gills, too?” I tried to explain that they’d get clogged with all our fur, but you know what kids today are like. No answer is good enough.
I think my favorite part of the visit was when you and I got to pop a few brewskies and talk shop. Thanks to you, I plan to try the “rise out of nowhere” technique on my next victim when the full moon returns at week’s end. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Glad you and the missus enjoyed the fur slippers my wife crocheted for you. She’s so crafty—and there’s always so much raw material lying around the den for her to use.
Well, gotta go to the dentist and get my canines cleaned.
P.S. Sorry for all the fur stuck to the envelope. (I’m getting my winter coat.)